Family vs. Relatives.

This is a pretty heavy topic for me. I know that they say blood is thicker than water and I’ve gotten my fair share of speeches on this. I agree that family is important. Family helps mold the type of person you become and it’s usually your family that teaches you your first major lessons in life. However, I have learned in my short lifetime that family is more than just people who are related to you.

Relatives are people who you were attached to by blood when you were born. There is nothing else really to guarantee a connection. I have relatives that I’ve heard of and never met. Family, in my opinion, is a choice. I consider some of my best friends in the entire world family while people who I’m related to and I’ve known my whole life I see as more like acquaintances. It takes more than just relation for me to see you as family. It isn’t about who you see the most often, or who sends you money, it’s about who is there for you and who’s not. It’s about who makes you feel safe to be yourself because they’ll love you unconditionally and who doesn’t. I have family members who I feel has conditional love for me. I have “family members” who I don’t consider family because I don’t know them despite having maybe been around them one hundred times.

Family is really important to me. I adore those who I consider family and would take a bullet for them. However, in order to be considered family, there are certain attributes that have to take place.

Someone who I consider family is someone who I can call if I need to talk and not an ounce of judgement is made. I have relatives that makes me feel judged even when I’ve hardly given them any information. I don’t feel as if I can turn to them about anything because I know that they don’t love me for me. They want me to be who they deem fit in their world. Unfortunately, I don’t fit in every bubble some relatives have put me in.

Someone who I consider family is someone who I know would support me in everything that I do. My mother has my back before ANYONE in the entire world. It doesn’t matter what I do, her love for me never changes and she never stops supporting my dreams and my decisions. Does she agree with them all? Not even close. But I never feel as if I can’t tell her anything just because I know she won’t necessarily agree with it. She will give me loving advice, judgement free, and then allow me to make my own mistakes and live the life I’ve chosen for myself. I have friends who I consider family because they also fit this criteria. They don’t always agree with the things I do and say but they have proven time and time again that despite that they love me and they have my back. That’s what matters. Family is supposed to have your back.

Family is supposed to push you to be better, but I’m the process love who you are right now. I can’t accept that someone is my family who makes me feel like less than I am. I cannot accept that someone is my family who does not lend an ounce of support physically, emotionally, or spiritually towards the things that I desire in life. I can’t acceot that someone is my family who would see me struggling inwardly and offer no comfort. I can’t accept that someone is my family who never… EVER reaches out to see how I’m doing.

Am I wrong? Isnt family supposed to be there for each other? Isn’t family supposed to have each other’s back? If you don’t do that, how can I consider you family?

I have plenty of relatives. I have cousins, aunts, uncles, but the truth is, I don’t have a lot of family. I love my relatives so don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate or dislike the people I’m related to, but I have to protect my own heart and well-being and family should not be a danger to that. So if someone is, I can’t consider them family.

This was kind of a rant in a way. It was on my mind and I wanted to let it all out. Hopefully it wasn’t too long and made some sense because I just started typing and releasing my thoughts. Blogtober has made some brain dump necessary so you may get more like these before the end of this month, haha.

What are your thoughts on this? Is someone related to you automatically branded family over everyone else? Some of us are lucky enough to have relatives that they can truly consider family and I do have quite a few relatives that I consider family, but there are relatives that are just Strangers that I’m related to. Comment your thoughts below!

Stalk me on all my social media!

SC: CherishingFlo

10 Comments

  1. Kattiah on October 11, 2018 at 6:56 pm

    I LOVED this! I’ve been wanting to write about some of my family on my blog, but haven’t been able to figure out “how” to. This has def given me encouragement and inspiration!!

    • cherishingflo101 on October 11, 2018 at 7:06 pm

      Well I’m so glad this has done that for you! Hopefully when you write the post I get to see it!

  2. Suzy on October 11, 2018 at 11:51 pm

    This is a great post, written with purpose but delicate enough not to cause offence. I completely understand what you mean. I didn’t realise how toxic my family were to me until I emigrated – suddenly, free from burden and negativity I began to thrive. Family is a choice, as you say, and we should me free to welcome people and to exclude those who only want to bring us down.

    • cherishingflo101 on October 12, 2018 at 12:18 am

      Exactly! That was my EXACT point! Love this!

  3. Rebecca on October 12, 2018 at 8:22 am

    This is great post which I loved reading, thank you for sharing! I have quite a large family on my Mums side, and I’ve honestly never met most of them. Although they’re my relatives I wouldn’t consider them family.

    • cherishingflo101 on October 12, 2018 at 11:50 am

      Thanks for reading! I completely understand what you’re saying!

  4. Sonam Sahid Khan on October 13, 2018 at 12:52 pm

    this is such a great post. I can relate it to myself. it’s really hard to manage both and requires lots if inner peace

    • cherishingflo101 on October 13, 2018 at 6:20 pm

      I completely agree!

  5. Beth on October 13, 2018 at 4:29 pm

    I truly understand where you’re coming from. Sometimes, you can only ‘love from a distance’ to avoid being around toxic family members.

    • cherishingflo101 on October 13, 2018 at 6:20 pm

      That’s exactly how I feel!

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